Tuesday, 8 February 2011

The Downing Street Rats

No, this isn’t the name of a new satirical punk band that all the youngsters are listening to. And no, you’re wrong again - it isn’t a metaphor relating to the current British government. Not in this this context anyway.
It appears that in actual fact, Downing Street has a rodent problem (again not relating to the men and women running the country) being with a family of rats that have decided to move into the most political street in Britain. Probably attracted by the sent of Cameron and Clegg’s honesty rotting away. 
If you ignore and avert your view past the BBC Newslite reporter with wonky eyes and cast your attention to the contents of the red circle, you can see what looks to be a rodent of some sort scampering across the doorstep of Number 10. I know it’s not very clear; so here’s another picture of our government’s new little friend. Smile for your close up, David (That’s the name I’ve decided to call the little critter. Not the man behind the door.)
So there you go. It appears the government has realised that there is more to running the country than meets the eye. Apparently it is essential for the party in power to supply a cat to carry out anti-rodent patrols. If you remember, John Major and Margaret Thatcher had an official cat called Humphrey to carry out these duties until he retired after an eight year term shortly after Tony Blair took office. And before that, Wilberforce. And before that, Petra. There has been an official ‘Mouser’ since the beginning of time.
After Humphrey, Alistair Darling’s cat, Sybil, had a brief appointment until she realised that London rats didn’t settle too well in her stomach and returned to Scotland, where she could no doubt deep fry them. 
Apparently there is consideration within Downing Street about whether or not they are going to find a new feline to take up these important duties of rat sanitisation. A Tory spokesman said that there was a ”pro-cat faction within the building”. There has also been rumours that Battersea Dog and Cat Shelter has expressed interest in supplying the new moggie. They have a “three-year-old ‘lovely big boy’ [named] Crocket as a prime candidate” and that he could be a cat that the ”Prime Minister could be proud of.”
The trouble is, Labour had a ‘lovely big boy’ and his name was John Prescott. Turned out he wasn’t so lovely, just oafish. And the Conservative’s already have one too - under the title of Mayor of London. Only again, not so lovely, more… eccentric and gone-in-the-head.
Only time will tell if the Coalition Government has the ability to find a way around this big hurdle that is getting in the way of ruining our country further. After all, we can’t have rats scaring the poor policemen guarding our humble-roots Prime- Minister-from-Oxford away. 
Yesterday Domodedovo, a large airport in Moscow, was blown up by terrorists. The Russian government is fingering the blame towards, rather predictably, the North Caucasus. Which, to be perfectly honest, sounds perfectly reasonable. This out ravenous attack killed 31 people and left over 130 injured. As it stands, it doesn’t appear that any British nationals were injured in the blast, but let our thoughts be with those who have been hurt and murdered by these terrorist monsters regardless.

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